What Do I Say?

The must-have guide to honestly and sensitively answering your clients' questions Written to help therapists view their clients' questions as collaborative elements of clinical work, What Do I Say? explores the questions—some direct, others unspoken—that all therapists, at one time or another, will encounter from clients. Authors and practicing therapists Linda Edelstein and Charles Waehler take a thought-provoking look at how answers to clients' questions shape a therapeutic climate of expression that encourages personal discovery and growth. Strategically arranged in a question-and-answer format for ease of use, this hands-on guide is conversational in tone and filled with personal examples from experienced therapists on twenty-three hot-button topics, including religion, sex, money, and boundaries. What Do I Say? tackles actual client questions, such as: Can you help me? (Chapter 1, The Early Sessions) Sorry I am late. Can we have extra time? (Chapter 9, Boundaries) I don't believe in all this therapy crap. What do you think about that? (Chapter 3, Therapeutic Process) Why is change so hard? (Chapter 4, Expectations About Change) Will you attend my graduation/wedding/musical performance/speech/business grand opening? (Chapter 20, Out of the Office) Where are you going on vacation? (Chapter 10, Personal Questions) I gave your name to a friend . . . Will you see her? (Chapter 9, Boundaries) Should I pray about my problems? (Chapter 12, Religion and Spirituality) Are you like all those other liberals who believe gay people have equal rights? (Chapter 13, Prejudice) The power of therapy lies in the freedom it offers clients to discuss anything and everything. It's not surprising then, that clients will surprise therapists with their experiences and sometimes with the questions they ask. What Do I Say? reveals how these questions—no matter how difficult or uncomfortable—can be used to support the therapeutic process rather than derail the therapist–client relationship.

Preface ix Acknowledgments xv PART 1 Client Questions in a Broad Context Introduction to Part 1 1 Why Do Clients’ Questions Cause Apprehension? 3 What Do the Different Theories Advise? 5 Remember, It’s Not About You 11 Guidelines for Answering Questions 13 Style and Language Considerations 17 Further Thoughts 23 PART 2 Client Questions and Responses by Topic Introduction to Part 2 25 1 The Early Sessions 27 2 Experience 43 3 Therapeutic Process 54 4 Expectations About Change 70 5 Techniques 80 6 Professional Role 94 7 Money 107 8 Confidentiality 119 9 Boundaries 131 10 Personal Questions 148 11 Sexuality 169 12 Religion and Spirituality 185 13 Prejudice 201 14 Stigma 209 15 Physical Appearance 217 16 Dreams 233 17 Therapists’ Reactions 245 18 Individual and Cultural Differences 259 19 Involving Others 273 20 Out of the Office 285 21 Keeping in Touch 304 22 Life Events 314 23 Ending Therapy 324 Concluding Thoughts 343 References 347 Index 351 About the Authors 357