Healing Your Emotional Self

Healing Your Emotional Self "Emotionally abusive parents are indeed toxic parents, and they cause significant damage to their children's self-esteem, self-image, and body image. In this remarkable book, Beverly Engel shares her powerful Mirror Therapy program for helping adult survivors to overcome their shame and self-criticism, become more compassionate and accepting of themselves, and create a more posititve self-image. I strongly recommend it for anyone who was abused or neglected as a child." --Susan Forward, Ph.D., author of Toxic Parents "In this book, Beverly Engel documents the wide range of psychological abuses that so many children experience in growing up. Her case examples and personal accounts are poignant and powerful reminders that as adults, many of us are still limited by the defenses we formed when trying to protect ourselves in the face of the painful circumstances we found ourselves in as children. Engle's insightful questionnaires and exercises provide concrete help in the healing process, and her writing style is lively and engaging. This book is destined to positively affect many lives." --Joyce Catlett, M.A., coauthor of Fear of Intimacy The Emotionally Abusive Relationship "Beverly Engel clearly and with caring offers step-by-step strategies to stop emotional abuse . . . helping both victims and abusers to identify the patterns of this painful and traumatic type of abuse." --Marti Tamm Loring, Ph.D., author of Emotional Abuse Loving Him without Losing You "A powerful and practical guide to relationships that every woman should read." --Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of Are You the One for Me?

Acknowledgments ix Introduction 1 Part One How Your Parents Shape Your Self-Esteem, Self-Image, and Body Image 1 Our Parents as Mirrors 9 2 The Seven Types of Negative Parental Mirrors 29 3 Your Body as a Mirror 63 4 How Mirror Therapy Works 77 Part Two Shattering Your Distorted Parental Mirror 5 Rejecting Your Parents’ Negative Reflection 87 6 Emotionally Separating from Your Parents 104 7 Quieting and Countering Your Inner Critic 117 Part Three Creating a New Mirror 8 Looking Deeper into the Mirror: Discovering the Real You 139 9 Providing for Yourself What You Missed as a Child 156 10 Learning to Love Your Body 175 Part Four Specialized Help 11 If You Were Neglected, Rejected, or Abandoned: Healing the “I Am Unlovable” and “I Am Worthless” Mirrors 187 12 If You Were Overprotected or Emotionally Smothered: Healing the “I Am Nothing without My Parent” Mirror 204 13 If You Were Overly Controlled or Tyrannized: Healing the “I Am Powerless” Mirror 212 14 If You Had Overly Critical, Shaming, or Perfectionistic Parents: Healing the “I Am Bad,” “I Am Unacceptable,” and “I Am Not Good Enough” Mirrors 220 15 If You Had a Self-Absorbed or Narcissistic Parent: Healing the “I Don’t Matter” Mirror 229 16 Continuing to Heal 238 Appendix: Recommended Therapies 243 References 249 Recommended Reading 251 Index 255