When Push Comes to Shove

Fills the rapidly-growing need for hands-on guidance in resolving interpersonal disputes in all areas of life--including the workplace, the classroom, and courtroom-adjunct programs--offering a how-to approach to mediation. This book is a valuable tool for the growing group of lay and professional mediators, including volunteers and professionals in court-adjunct programs, attorneys, teachers, and social services, along with HR professionals and managers in organizations who need these core skills areas for their work. When Push Comes to Shove covers the basic interpersonal and communications skills needed to mediate conflict, presenting a five-step mediation process, and coaches the reader through each phase. It also addresses mediation on the fly where a more structured process is not possible or called for.

Preface xi The Author xvii A Brief Introduction to Mediation 1 1 Starting Out: The Key Concepts of Mediation 3 2 Using the Conflict Grid to Analyze Disputes and GenerateSolutions 23 3 Preparing to be a Mediator 45 Step One: First Contact 53 4 Orienting the Parties 55 5 Arranging the Meeting Space 65 Step Two: The Opening Meeting 73 6 Conducting the First Meeting 75 Step Three: The Caucus Process 89 7 Conducting Separate Meetings 91 8 Learning by Example: Two Caucus Stories 111 9 Generating Solutions and Drafting a Trial Agreement 123 Step Four: Joint/Shuttle Meetings 131 10 Planning the Next Round 133 11 Using the SOS Model (Summaries-Offers-Summaries) 137 12 Resolving Impasses 147 Step Five: Closing 163 13 Testing the Agreement 165 14 Putting the Agreement in Writing 171 15 Wrapping up the Process 187 Variations 193 16 When Interpersonal Peacemaking is Needed 195 17 When Face-to-Face Meetings Won't Work 209 18 When Informal Mediation Can Help 213 Epilogue: The Mediator's Calling 219 Resources 223 A Communication Skills Review 225 B Sample Ground Rules and Forms 237 C Ethical Standards 243 D Mediation of Disputes Involving Domestic Violence 247 E Professional Organizations 251 F Cases 253 G Exercise Feedback 265 Quick Reference Checklist 285 Notes 291 Index 295