Smart Parenting for Smart Kids

WINNER! Mom's Choice Gold Award for parenting books -- Mom's Choice Awards: The best in family-friendly media "My kid is smart, but..." It takes more than school smarts to create a fulfilling life. In fact, many bright children face special challenges: Some are driven by perfectionism; Some are afraid of effort, because they're used to instant success; Some routinely butt heads with authority figures; Some struggle to get along with their peers; Some are outwardly successful but just don't feel good about themselves. This practical and compassionate book explains the reasons behind these struggles and offers parents do-able strategies to help children cope with feelings, embrace learning, and build satisfying relationships. Drawing from research as well as the authors’ clinical experience, it focuses on the essential skills children need to make the most of their abilities and become capable, confident, and caring people.

Note to the Reader ix Acknowledgments xi Introduction: Rethinking Potential 1 1 Tempering Perfectionism: What Is “Good Enough”? 10 Michael: Focusing on flaws 13 Kirsten: Deflecting blame 20 Sam: Avoiding activities at which he doesn’t excel 30 Angela: Feeling inadequate 33 2 Building Connection: How Does Your Child Reach Out to Others? 43 Andrew: Seeking an audience rather than a friend 48 Clay: Avoiding joining the group 55 Amalia: Feeling rejected by peers 63 3 Managing Sensitivity: How Does Your Child Handle Criticism, Conflict, and Disappointment? 80 Mario: Perceiving betrayal 83 Jessica: Balking at constructive feedback 90 Samir: Chafing at a change of plans 97 Collin: Shouldering the world’s woes 109 4 Handling Cooperation and Competition: How Does Your Child Fit in a Group? 118 Steven: Insisting on his way 121 Anita: Being a sore loser 130 Misha: Fearing competition 138 Craig: Dealing with competition in the family 146 5 Dealing with Authority: How Does Your Child Respond to Those in Charge? 161 Lisa: Being blind to authority 164 Nicholas: Making everything an argument 177 Stephanie: Fretting about adults’ anger 192 6 Developing Motivation: What Matters to Your Child? 200 Ethan: Avoiding schoolwork 203 Jared: Complaining that schoolwork is boring 208 Diane: Not applying herself in school 221 7 Finding Joy: What Makes Your Child Feel Happy? 238 Monica: Finding fault instead of fun 242 Conner: Searching for personal meaning 251 Conclusion: The Pressure to Perform Versus the Power to Grow 272 Selected References and Recommended Reading 277 About the Authors 291 Index 293